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Horror, Honesty, Humility, Humour, Holy Shit!

18/6/2017

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It seems every decade comes with it's own dose of devastation and discovery. Can't I just have the discovery? Devastation is so dreary and not delicious at all!  Let's see......
20's - Marriage, Motherhood, Divorce.
30's - Suicide and Marriage no.2.
40's - Yoga - Diving Deep, and a world of discovery there!
50's - Death, death & more death, Lots of discovery...but did I mention death?
Life just doesn't seem to get any easier, yet I am handling so much more it seems.  It's true, we are only given what we can handle.  Life's little shop of horrors seems to be open 24/7 these days.  I find myself turning off all sources of media, even facebook is only a quick scan these days.  I'm a sensitive, so I need to insulate myself.  But horror still manages to sneak in through the back door.  
This last week, I have sat by the hospital bedside of my almost 90 year old father. Neither of us knowing whether he will make it out alive. We have talked of life, death and many smaller details that make time pass comfortably.  I held his hand and it occurred to me that it was probably the first time ever that we had held hands.  I felt so incredibly sad.
Even then, I was holding his, but he wasn't really holding mine.  The next day, I was reminded of this image of hand holding and how much love I had missed out on as a child. The floodgates opened and out came a really good quality snotty cry.  It was quite the deluge! And so, so needed and warranted. I felt the pain of not feeling loved by my father.  No hand holding, no hugs, no kisses, no I love you's.  Quite frankly, I just wasn't seen by him. Once I came to grips with this devastation, the discovery appeared, I realized why and how I hold back my love and affection with others. I'm certainly a lot more affectionate than my father, I love a good hug and I am free with the I love you's, but I still feel a "holding back" at times.  I forgive you dad, this was the way you were brought up etc, etc.  I forgive myself too.  We have done our best with what we have and where we are.
I gave Dad an Eclipse Mint the other day for his dry mouth. He said to me, "you look beautiful, today". Whaaat?...then I realized he was imitating the  commercial, so I said back to him, "Don't be ridiculous".  We both had a bit of a giggle, because we got each other.  This thing we have in common - .Humour.  Oh humour, you are a savior in life. You are the light in the darkness and I love you for it. 
Two words have been floating around in my body this last week - Humility & Humour.  They are such amazing gifts.  In a sense, horror keeps you humble, it makes you take a good honest look at yourself, life and death. It makes you question everything and then it throws in some humour to lighten the load.  
The older I get, the less time I have to dwell in darkness.  I still go there, but I choose not to dwell. I retrieve what I need, I bring it into the light.  I feel it, I work with it and I let it go.  Done!  Sadness does tend to linger longer.  I allow that to hang out with me. We get quiet together.  I nurse sadness with my love and make it as comfortable as possible.  I treat it very gently and feed it spoonful's of understanding.  I let it know I see, feel, hear you.  Once it has been given the love and attention it needs, it starts to dissolve like a fluffy cloud and before I know it, clear blue skies have returned again and everything seems brighter. Again, it is Honesty, Humility and Humour that help the cloud to disappear.  Laughter truly is the best medicine.
This week I have seen myself as a Wise, Wild Woman with a Wicked sense of Humour.  And I am going to own that! It has taken me 55 years to get here.  To dig through the deluge, delve into the deep, discover the jewels and delight in the gems. Just me and my holy tribe of honesty, humility and humour.  Without them....I would be lost in the dark, waiting for the clouds to part.
May the long time sun shine upon you.
Namaste.
​Chez xo

1 Comment
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22/10/2019 02:03:40 pm

It was good to read your article, you have some excellent writing skills and expertise that attracts people to read your posts. People seem to have too many things to do in their lives but they are getting more busier in doing other tasks.

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    Please enjoy my offerings of poetry and my creative perspective on subjects that matter to me. I hope you  find value and enjoy reading. 
    Namaste.
    ​Chez xo

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Chez Creatrix is based in Redbank Plains, Brisbane Qld, Australia. 
We acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land on which we work and live, the Yuggera/Jagera people. We recognize their continuing connection to land, water and community. We pay respect to Elders past, present and future.

Terribly Terrific Testimonials.

(Keisha commissioned me to create a special wedding gift for her dear friend). -"Dreaming Heart is beautiful. I cried when I met her, she's the perfect gift".

(Cathy purchased Sweet Dream Catchers for herself & as gifts for friends) -
​ "Hey Chez, it just arrived this arvo! It's BEAUTIFUL! I love it. It is sooo her it's scary! U have a great gift as mine was perfect for me & Holly's is perfect for her! Thank you so much!

​(Kellie purchased Shiva/Shakti for her bedroom as a gift to herself.)
 "I wanted a special something for my bedroom wall. As soon as I saw Chez's work, I knew I had to have one of my own!  Shiva/Shakti is big & so is the energy it captures! There is so much perfect symbolism in every part of it.  I turn to it to help guide my feminine & masculine attributes & to bring deep awareness & balance into my relationship with my husband. Thank you Chez, it fills my heart with joy to have this in our sacred sleeping, loving space".
Suzie wanted to offer her young daughter a gift to help her sleep peacefully.
Hi Chez, Here is a pic of Sierra with her Faery House Dreamcatcher which she loves. We've had two beautiful nights with her sleeping really well. Your note to Sierra about the Dreamcatcher was just Divine. Thank you for making such a wise and magical piece for her. - Suzie 

Hi Chez,
I received my dreamcatcher....love it love it. The funny thing is for the last couple of weeks I have been talking about peacocks and wow its in my dream catcher,  very insightful. Thank you so much, hangs very proudly in our bedroom. ~ Karen

(Kerri commissioned an Art Piece for her daughter's 21st birthday.) "My girl Tianah loves loves loves it!!! She clutched her heart and said WOW!!!" Many many thanks.
(Susan,Owner/Principal of Wild Places Yoga).​ "I receive so many  comments from students who are captivated by the energy your Dream Catchers hold". 
(Carrie-Anne, Principal of My Health Yoga purchased a custom made Outdoors Dream Catcher for her partner). - "Chris loves the Dream Catcher! He is blown away!! So many beautiful details, this piece will continue to reveal itself for many years to come. You are truly amazing, Chez!"

(Cath, an interior Designer commissioned me to create Eagle Warrior II). 
​"Hi Chez,
I have her on the wall above my workspace!
She looks beautiful!
Thank you so much - It feels so good with her there - I am soaking up her energy!
I have your business cards also thanks - they are beautiful too!
I also love the new one in the studio - Freedom. That may be next!" x Cath

Loved my barefoot forest dream catcher as soon as I opened the box. Perfect for our newly built family room to remind us of our love of bush walking. Many thanks, Nicola.

(Donna purchased 2 pieces now)
"Art that brings continuous inspiration & joy, each piece saturated with intention, love, creative purpose & spiritual gifts. I think Chez is an astonishing artist of nature". xx
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